Listen, Andy and I (and our kids) are as weird and nutty as they come. We wave our sketchiness banner high.

But we still like to keep other, more ominous forms of sketchiness outside our four walls, so we recently installed a whole-house security system. Y’all, I had no idea how easy they are to order and install, or I would’ve done this a long time ago. In case you don’t have one yet, I wanted to show you how simple it is to turn your unassuming home into a giant fortress of safety and self-contained familial weirdness.

We’ve always had it in the back of our minds that we wanted one, but now that we have little kids to think about and we’re sharing our house and our lives here on the blog, it was definitely time to make it happen. We don’t care so much about someone taking our stuff (but back away from the brass animals!) but obviously, keeping our weirdo kids safe is priority number one.

I used to think getting a whole-house security system was some pricey proposition that required a guy to come run wires all throughout your house. Not so! It’s super simple. Here’s how it worked for us.

1. Read reviews for the top companies in your area
We basically just googled around for good security system companies in our area and read impartial reviews. We found three companies were consistently listed among the top, so we called each of those companies and got prices.

2. Consider what you want in a security system
We wanted all of the following things:

• A moat around our yard stocked with sharks with laser beams on their heads
• Guillotine installed in the front door opening

• Mine field within the hardwood floor
• Hidden cameras inside the shrubs
• Laser-guided machine gun nests in the trees
• Toy airplane drones recording car traffic patterns
• Underground escape tunnel direct to Disney
• Self-destruct feature that makes the house explode if invaded
• Permanent installation of that kid from Home Alone.

Turns out you can’t get most of those things. (I KNOW. Somebody fix this!) It’s hard to find a good underground escape tunnel installer.

But we did consider the recommendations from all three companies and, based on those recommendations, installed motion sensors and other security goodness all through the house. One thing I’ve heard is that it’s best to stay away from security systems that are wired through your internet or home phone, because someone could just snip those wires and disable your whole system. The best kinds are connected via cell phone towers so they can’t be disabled.

3. Order and install

Okay, check out how easy this is! The company ships you a couple boxes like this that house all your components.

(We went all out and put sensors and gadgets everywhere, so this is just one portion of our system.)

Here’s our smoke and heat detector. If it detects smoke or heat, it alerts the fire department immediately. Let me tell you how much my little mama heart loves knowing this extra level of protection is in place for my Tinies.

On the back, there are little sticky tape piece thingies. You remove the paper on the sticky parts…

…and just stick it to the ceiling. It communicates wirelessly with the rest of the system, so there’s no wiring or anything complicated. You don’t even need a screwdriver to install it.

Plus, doesn’t Andy make installation look FUN?! Look at that big smile. (The truth is that he was making a goofy face just a second before and he’s laughing at himself in the photo above. #Busted! I will blog about your goofy faces, husband.)

That’s exactly how simple it is to install each aspect of the entire system. Everything just sticks in place. Crazy, right? We had it all done in less than an hour.

But what about cost?

I understand that different companies bill differently, but for us, we paid a one-time fee for the sensors and components, and pay a set monthly fee regardless of how many components we have. Our monthly fee is totally manageable – something like $30 to $50-ish a month.

It’s just worth it for things like this:

• Easy panic buttons to call for help in case of an emergency. ANY emergency: medical, fire, etc. If something happened to the kids, I could just press a button and an ambulance would be on the way.
• Access to our system via our phones. If we forget to turn on the system, no problem – we can turn it on or off from anywhere.
• Separate home or away settings. You can turn on all kinds of motion sensors throughout the house when you’re not home, but when you’re home and want to be able to move freely through the house, you can turn on a different set of sensors.

I know it kind of sounds like this is a sponsored post, but it’s not (and I’m purposely not even mentioning the company we chose). I just want everyone to be protected and safe and I wish I’d known sooner how simple it is! (If you know anyone who needs to get a security system, make sure you share this post with ’em!)

Do you have a whole-house security system? Do you think this self-destruct feature idea can take off? Should I patent it? Don’t steal my brilliant security ideas, guys. Okay, take them.